How do I know I am leading with confidence?

Jacque Allen

Delacourt Consulting

I’ve learned that confidence in leadership isn’t about having all the answers or being the loudest voice in the room. Real confidence comes from self-awareness, knowing your natural style, and your strengths, and seeing the moments when you might get in your own way.

It also comes from understanding others. Every leader sends signals through words, tone, and even silence. These signals shape the environment you work in, whether you are an experienced leader or an emerging leader. As Daniel Coyle writes in The Culture Code, culture is built through a thousand small exchanges. Each signal, no matter how large or small, these signals either build trust and belonging or slowly erodes it.

Treating people how THEY want to be treated

When leaders are intentional with their signals, when they show care, invite ideas, and hold people accountable they create the conditions for others to bring the best of themselves to the workplace. This enables people to do their best for themselves, their colleagues and the school, the business or organisation. It is this awareness that brings confidence to your leadership and it begins to feel less like a performance of being confident and more like a steady presence throughout the day.

But leadership is not just about yourself, it’s about connection. When you know your behaviour style you can adapt to meet the needs of others. Whether they need clarity, encouragement, or challenge you unlock something powerful that impacts on them when people feel seen, heard, and valued. When this happens in an authentic way they bring more of themselves to their workplace relationships, they feel more invested in being part of something bigger than themselves, and they want to achieve the shared goals with others so they can share the successes together.

Noticing patterns

Here’s the part many leaders don’t talk about with confidence, confidence isn’t the absence of stress, doubt, or frustration, it’s what you do when those moments inevitably arrive. Whether you are in a leadership role or not we all have triggers, things that unsettle us, frustrate us, or cause us to react in ways we later regret. For some, it’s being challenged in public, for others it’s uncertainty, or unable to shift slow progress, or major or even minor conflicts in the workplace.

What's triggering you?

When you don’t recognise your triggers, they can quietly disarm you. A small frustration grows into a big reaction. An offhand comment from a colleague lingers in your mind and shapes how you respond for the rest of the day. Triggers create the stresses that take over, and suddenly your leadership is reactive rather than intentional, in short you lack confidence in your role. 

But when you do recognise your triggers, everything changes. You can see them for what they are, signals, not definitions. You learn to pause, to choose your response, and to redirect your energy into something constructive. That awareness doesn’t just make you calmer, it makes you more predictable and so more trustworthy in the eyes of your team. They see that you can carry stress without passing it on, that you can hold steady when things are difficult and more importantly they can predict your response, and so have confidence in your leadership. 

That’s the paradox of leadership confidence it doesn’t come from pretending to be unshakable, it comes from knowing yourself well enough to acknowledge your stress, name your triggers, and choose how you show up for your team.

Being honest, curious and confident about who you are

For me, leading with confidence is about leading yourself first. With awareness, curiosity, and a willingness to grow, you create space for others to thrive alongside you. When leaders lean into self-awareness, both the light and the shadow, they not only strengthen their own confidence but also build workplace cultures where people feel safe, connected, and motivated to bring their best.

How do I start leading with confidence?

If you are interested in diving deeper into how to lead with confidence Jacque has partnered with Glenys Henry, an international coach with many years of experience for a two-day work in Auckland, Leading with Confidence - 22nd and 23rd September 2025. Gain insight into yourself and walk away with practical ways to lead and build a positive workplace culture. 

Email Jacque at jallen@delacourt.co.nz or call 021 038 6225

to reserve a place for you and your leadership team.

I'm also offering a deal for our Coactive Whānau - buy two tickets, get the third FREE!! A perfect option if you want some excellent PD for your whole team: You could bring along your Principal, DP and AP or an aspiring leader! All for the price of two tickets.